I know It's not ideal, but I am learning to embrace that life usually isn't ideal:) And that is OK. Really it is OK folks and I am sure their a few of you maybe reading this and planning a solo Christmas yourself or maybe wishing you could spend it alone. Have time to reflect and just be. In our culture, being alone especially on Holiday's are looked upon as sad. Yes, it might be sad. But that is OK too. I know I am learning to feel the sad in my own life, instead of pretending it is not there. I am not saying to wallow in sadness, but claim it. By claiming our most uncomfortable feelings sometimes, it allows them to wash over us and flow away. Making room for change.
Family can be ONE person. I am so grateful for all the invites this year for Christmas, but I would rather spend time by myself on this very sacred holiday. After my surgery and recovery I have learned the fine art of loneliness and how weirdly it has become a new companion of sorts. Reminding me I am my own family. Just me right now. My dear Daddy and Step-Mom are states away. My Mother and Step-Father are gone. These people are and were the closest souls to me. Until I have a husband and maybe a child of my own. I am OK with loving from afar, hearing a Christmas wish over the telephone and loving my memories. Please know I love you my dear family and friends. Thank you:) But, this year I feel a little different. Wanting to just belong in my current quiet life.
My Christmas Lights. The Eiffel Tower with it's white sparkly lights thrown on it and my childhood Nativity Scene with it's broken Joseph's head glued back on by my Mom is more than enough for me this year:) Maybe some goodies from Trader Joe's and Coldplay's Christmas Lights playing on repeat. Then trudging through the snow to Midnight or Morning Mass. Remembering what this season is really about... A baby boy born to a young woman named Mary in a cave since there was no room in the Inn and His birth would change the world, including mine and hopefully yours.
God Bless you this Christmas. Love Always, C.