Do you ever long for a certain time in your life? Miss who you were? The hopes you had? The joy you felt?
I am having that kind of moment right now after recently finding this picture of myself at one of my most happiest of times. I just flown into Dallas to see one of my childhood Best Friends in Austin, Texas for a week. It was my first adventure in a long time and I rented a car so I could stop at Dealey Plaza to visit the Museum and site of President Kennedy's assassination. I know a weird place to be excited about going. But, being a lover of History. It was amazing to go finally be there. As sobering as it was, I really enjoyed my time there. Doing what I love best, chilling by myself and checking out the awesome Gift/book Store as well. Yep I am know I'm a total geek and love every minute of it.
But, this picture is more than a memory to me... A reminder of one of my most tranquil times in life. I was feeling confident and adventuresome. I had the comfort of home and doing a job where I felt like I really was making a difference and that I mattered as well. I had the financial means to pursue my creativity. Most importantly My Faith life was so abundant. Yes, it wasn't all perfect. I worked many hours and was still deeply grieving the recent deaths of my Mother and Step-Father. I was also challenged by being single again after my recent divorce. But, despite all those struggles God had blessed me immensely with comfort, security and joy to walk through it.
Though this time in my life was only a couple of years ago, it seems like 20 million instead. But, I am bringing this current Longing in prayer right now to God. Because I truly believe he has placed it here NOW for a Reason. Maybe as a reminder that HIS plan is far better than mine. That He brings me to certain seasons to Grow in ways I never imagined. That those life-altering moments, like I have experienced this last year bring us to our Knees so he can transform us even further. And my Longing is the only we He can reach me to go forth and be the Person He too Longs for me to be. So, I pray...
“Jesus Help me understand this Longing in my Heart for Moments gone. It was such a beautiful time of Love, Joy and Faith. Though I Thank you even in my Longing for it NOW. But, I pray for answers to know what would you have me do with it now? What is it's purpose?
In this past year through my surgery and recovery. You brought me so many miracles in the people, places and things that have been a part of this health journey. I am blown away by it everyday and my gratitude is immeasurable. But, also there has been pain, struggle, loneliness and heartache. Leaving me raw and exhausted still. Whirling with Restlessness in the wondering's of it's purpose. And a major need to repay you somehow. Please allow me to rest in you and find that longing replaced with your love and guidance. Find Hope and Joy again. In your Name I pray."