Enjoying my coffee this morning while doing my Morning pages and I thought of something my Dad said to me the other night while on the phone. "Why do You never wear color anymore? You did more when you had lost weight? Actually it pissed me off a little bit. Not because he said it, but it's true.
So, in the last year after gaining these last 20 extra pounds back after my surgery. The black comes out more. It's safe and easy. Yes, all my clothes still fit. But, they're snug. It bothers the shit out of me actually. I don't like the feeling of invisibility that creeps back with the weight either. I miss feeling good and actually I don't right now sometimes. And it breaks my heart a bit.
So, Today I said fuck it and wore my favorite shirt around the house and plan on wearing my jeans tomorrow. They fit fine just tried them on. And big ol' reminder that our minds can be our worst friends sometimes.
Love, C.