It’s ok to have curves. It’s ok to be thin as well. There is room for us all in this big beautiful world. Today at work I learned this while helping this lovely lady with her darling 5 year old daughter. In times like this I think of my own Mother and ourown times shopping. It was a sweet reminder of her. As I was applying makeup to her Momma. The little girl exclaimed, “You are so pretty but Fat.” It caught me off guard, breaking my heart a little.” The look on her mother’s face was horror and after she quickly said her Brother had been calling her fat lately. She’s five and not fat! “ I soon explained to her that pretty comes in all shapes and sizes. There was no apologies, but her Momma looked at me with amazement that I could conjure up that response while putting on my best face until I could be done with the consultation.
Thankfully my co-workers stepped up to the plate as I shared my hurt and comforted me during my mini meltdown. And Reminding me Recently of another friend of mine at work who had shared his own insecurities. His very different then mine. But, a reminder we all have them. Mine is my weight. A lifelong self-esteem curse and blessing as well
The curse of always being the fat girl, but you could be so pretty social mentality. Creating a bubble of insecurity around me despite actually being very confident 95% of the time. Often going from feeling invisible to not good enough. Especially when it comes to relationships. I often say when someone’s interested me, “oh he’s too cute for me.” I know bullshit. But, I do feel that way.
The blessing though I have found is compassion and looking beyond flaws or even perfections with others. Seeing them for there true heart appearance.
I am not sharing this story for sympathy or compliments. But, to be heard. A little girl unintentionally hurt me today. Opened up my insecurities like package you want to hide forever. I cried, went home early because of it. I Couldn’t contain the sadness I hide so often. Yes, I could lose weight and have. But, that fat little girl inside of me will never go away. But, tonight instead of hating her. I loved her for once. So, maybe it was all worth it.
Love, C.