BBL/DAY1: INFINITE WORTH.
Hello! Hello! So, Glad that your here with me for Today’s Day 1 of @AshleyRoseReeves IG version of Better Body Love Challenge . Before we get started I would Love for you to swing over to Ashley’s IG and find her Instagram Story Highlight on BBL Day 1. Grab your Journal and take some note if you want:
Ok your Back, What did you think? I know I’ve watched each day a couple of times to unpack all the information she is sharing in this Free version of Better Body Love during the Covid-19 Pandemic. In response to all the Memes out there focusing on weight gain and appearance changes in a funny albeit negative light.
Today’s Questions start with going back to the beginning to uncover the stories that created our lack of Body Love:
8 years old. Christmas 1982. Tallahassee, Florida. *Yes that is a Western Ken Doll:)
1.WRITE OUT YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE OF THINKING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOUR BODY?
I was in 2nd Grade (8) when my Mother took me to a Dietician for the first time. I remember it felt like He was speaking a foreign tongue to me about eating better and showing me this strange silver contraption that opened and closed with ease (a food steamer). I was confused and weirded out by this Older Gentleman telling me, I needed to steam vegetables to lose weight.
I actually had no idea I was overweight. I pulled out a picture the other day of me at that age. Christmas time! I was a Happy Kid! Who wouldn’t be happy with getting a Western Ken Doll 🤣. I also had a unaware natural sense of Infinite worth and so did that Ken doll too. Oh, if I would kept it in its packaging 😜.
But, Seriously makes me sad for little Cindy. Yes, she had a baby roll under her much loved Miami Dolphins Dan Marino Shirt. But, she was healthy and active. I know my Mother struggled with her own weight and was terrified that I would be chubby like her as a kid. It was a preventative measure in a time when being Trim was “Mandatory” and Big Money Maker for Women’s Self-Worth. You gotta Love the 80’s Diet Culture for that skewed perceptions and wasted $$$.
But, that Dietician Visit changed me for indefinitely from a Happy to Confused and Sad little girl.
My 9th Birthday. 1983. Tallahassee, Florida.
2.WRITE OUT ANY OTHER EXPERIENCES THAT STAND OUT AND STILL HURT?
I have so many experiences like many of us do. Enough to fill a Book. But, there is One that really stands out as my first “Reminder” that I was indeed gaining weight and others were noticing.
I was 9. We had just moved again to a new neighborhood and had also a new local gas station we would stop at weekly after Sunday Mass.
It was our Little family routine. My Mom would always stay in the Buick LaSabre:) while my Dad and I would venture into the convience store after pumping gas for our Sunday “Treats”.
My Dad would get his 6 pack of Beer and I some Candy. As he went to the cooler in the back the store, I would stay up front choosing my Candy by the cash register.
The Old Guy (everyone over 30 was old to me😂 then) behind the counter noticed me looking and said while smiling and making a quick Fat Gesture, “Why would cute little girl like you need more Candy?“
I smiled because I remember I didn’t know what to do in that uncomfortable situation with a stranger. I shamefully still picked out my then favorite, Banana flavored Now and Later Candy (I never ate them again).
Finally my Dad returned and we left without me saying a word. I actually never told neither of parents about it. I just internalized it all.
Yes, at that time I was gaining weight. I would put on a good smile, but inside I was so sad. We had moved from a place I loved and missed my daily life of being able to roam free with my favorite people.
I was also struggling with learning at school and not fitting in because of my weight.
My parents were struggling as well. My Dad’s drinking and depression. My Mom herself had gained weight and struggled with emotional eating again after another diet failed.
We were all a mess, but still trying to put our best foot forward to the outside world.
INFINITE WORTH
In Day 1 Ashley speaks also of beginning to uncover our Infinite Worth again with a exercise of separating Worth from Appearance. I had actually never thought about this really much and how I had mushed them together since Childhood.
I’ve always thought as superficial as this sounds that if I was at my ideal weight…
I would be more impactful and liked more. I wouldn’t be so invisible to others and more desirable even. That my voice would matter more if I was skinny.
But, once I thought about my worth in this new way, I realized how far off I was and I am much more then my appearance. I have so much to offer beyond a svelte body. Yes, I said svelte😜.
As she mentioned our appearance will fade and change. I would rather be known for my joy, creativity and helping others.
Then having a Hot Bod and being well- dressed. Though I do need some new clothes.
ASHLEY’S CATALYST STORY
I don’t want to share it here and would rather have you hear for yourself. But, it’s a Better Body Love Changer.
How can we hate our Bodies so much when others would give anything for one that works.
I was reminded so deeply of my own Catalyst Story as she shared hers and how I often dumb it down or take it for granted.
OPEN HEART
April 24th, 2017. I woke up from Open Heart Surgery with a new Mitral Valve (a pig one if your curious) caused by a childhood illness that I was unaware of damaged my heart.
I spent years so sick without knowing the real cause and also spending so much time and energy berating myself. Thinking my weight among other things was to blame for my constant shortness of breath and tiredness.
So, the day I woke up in ICU being able to breath and having that second chance I wasn’t sure I was gonna get. It was a beautiful moment to say the least.
I also made a promise that day to live the best life I could. But, I realize now I had not honored that promise wholeheartedly with the Hate I have carried around for my body that has in fact has served me so well.
This is why the Better Body Love 10-Day Challenge means so much to me. It’s definitely has been a missing piece that ICU Promise.
Now it’s your turn. Would love to hear your thoughts on my Day1 Notes and Thought Work. *And if your wondering 😜 No, I still don’t have that Western Ken Doll, but I do have the Dan Marino shirt somewhere:)
OK See you Back here tomorrow for Better Body Love, Day 2: Gratitude.
Love, C.