BETTER BODY LOVE/DAY 10.

Day 10! We made it. I made it. To be honest at this point I’m probably the only person reading this 😂. And that’s quite alright:) But, if YOU are… THANK YOU!

Today’s last Topic of @AshleyRoseReeves IG BETTER BODY LOVE Challenge is Changing the Conversation Around Body Image.

Definitely check out her IG Story Highlight Reel and how she’s changed the way she disengages from Negative Appearance Based Conversations.

I know over the years some of my most hurtful comments have came from our societies lack of compassion towards different shapes and sizes. And it all starts with US.

Fat Shaming is a Real thing and Fat Jokes are still Funny and Acceptable to most. This is actually why Ashley created this Free IG version of her Full Program. She saw all the Pandemic Meme’s of getting Fat during this uncertain time and also realized how harming they could to be for individuals that our struggling with Eating Disorders and Body Dysmorphia.

And I’m one of them. I’ve struggled most of my lifewith Emotional Eating and some form of Body Dysmorphia. And it’s not Funny. Seriously Not Funny.

So, I agree with Ashley (and thank you) We do need to continue to Change our dialogue around Body Image. Our Lives have far more meaning then a pant size or how fat her ass is in those Jeans.

Let’s STOP tearing ourselves and others apart based on our appearances.

Let’s show our Children that Their worth and Others worth is more than what the scales says.

And for the Love of God let’s stop looking at someone whose overweight as less valuable of a human or worse to be mocked. ITS NOT COOL.

All these Things can be changed and I will not sit idle anymore. I don’t want future generations to have this on their plate. Life is hard enough as it is and in a global health crisis like this further brings it home.

We need to Love not rip ourselves apart because we gained a few pounds.

What’s Next for Me?

In the next few weeks I will be reconnecting with my Dr’s including a Therapist. I will also be signing up for Ashley’s Full Program HERE.

In the First of this New Year, I wrote down Three goals which included Learning to Thrive Not Just Survive. I actually didn’t have a concrete plan as I wrote it down and.Even prayed that God would reveal it more to me.

And Now it is unfolding in ways I never imagined. I now can see a Life beyond Appearance. It’s a beautiful thing. I seriously want to Thank Ashley for taking her own journey of Better Body Love so I can now take mine and hopefully You can Take Yours!

Cynthia

BBL/DAY 8: BUILDING REAL LASTING CONFIDENCE.

We’re Hitting the Home Stretch for @AshleyRoseReeves IG version of Better Body Love Day 8 out of 10:) Though it’s not a Baseball Game:) And I’m not keeping score.

But, it does feel like I’m accomplishing a Big Thing. A lifelong goal of finally seeing the light after years of living in the dark of Body Hate.

And I don’t ever want to go back.

So, Today’s Topic and To-Do’s really correlate with that Goal, Building Real Lasting Confidence. 😊👍

I loved how in Day 8 Ashley shares how she once read a article that helped her further contemplate her mortality and how she would be remembered.

Our loved ones probably won’t remember us for our appearance, maybe the smiles we shared with them.

But, they won’t be saying, “Oh Cindy looked so Fit and Trim in those slacks she loved to wear during this lifetime. RIP ” 😂😂😂. PS I just had to say the word slacks 😜.

We will be instead remembered by our Character, how we loved and made people feel.

Today’s To-Do Thought Work Ashley asks us to reflect on is pretty profound in my Book. I hope you do it too.

WRITE DOWN YOUR FAVORITE COMPLIMENTS YOU HAVE RECEIVED OVER THE YEARS THAT OUR BASED ON YOUR CHARACTER- NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR APPEARANCE.

Your so Brave. -Nicole

Your Adventuresome. -Beth

You have a Unique perspective of everyday Moments. -Shea

You always find the optimism in difficult circumstances. -Stephanie

You Light up the room with Joy -Jeff

HOW CAN I FURTHER DEVELOP THEM?

This actually was a hard exercise to complete even though I cherish these compliments from loved ones. It’s difficult to re-frame our thoughts around compliments. It makes us uncomfortable to accept them at times. But, one of my favorite all-time quotes from Marianne Williamson comes to mind. It’s a long one:)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Not accepting compliments is a way of Playing Small in this World and it serves no one including yourself. We have nurture those compliments and develop/embrace them.

I am Brave and open for Adventure. I do find unique perspectives in everyday moments. I love having the Glass Half-Full during difficult times. I do Light up a room with Joy.

These heartfelt compliments definitely have made me aware of how I want to continue sharing that with others and paving a way forward on how I want to connect more in my life and with loved ones.

I Hope this also helps you see your own path towards lasting confidence in your own Infinite Worth ♥️.

Cynthia

BBL/DAY 7: REPLACE NEGATIVITY WITH LOVE.

Hello and back for Day 7. But, first How are you feeling? Yesterday was a big post for me and after a lot of thought and prayer. I decided to stop posting a direct link from IG here.

IG is a funny thing most of the time especially with Links in profile. No one swings over. I’m actually ok with it. This ultimately is my way of connecting with my own thoughts and getting it out all on the page. This is my journey not anyone else’s. And this is hard time for nearly everyone in some way or another. I honor that:)

Today’s Topic is a Good one and what resonated with me most is Ashley’s Statement, “Step out of Yourself- A Negative Thought is a Selfish thought.”

Agreed. Agreed. Self-objectification (focusing on ourselves) Appearance wise even if it is self-deprecating. Is still selfish.

I remember in Jr. High there was acquaintance in my circle of friends that sat at our lunch table. Every chance she got she would dog herself, “I’m Ugly.” She wasn’t and throughout school she was known as the girl that did this to phish for compliments. It even became a joke with our peers. I even got busted by her overhearing me complaining of how much this annoyed me. So, let’s just say we’re still not friends on Facebook 😂.

But, Seriously looking back. Jr. High was hard for us all and even though she was pretty and outwardly looked like she wasn’t struggling in the looks department. I can’t imagine what her interior Negative Self-Talk was if she constantly downed herself like that openly.

And Hindsight 20/20 I’d should have instead of voicing my opinion in gossip, went to her directly. And dug a little deeper with compassion. But, I was 15 after all and struggling in my own way:(

Reflecting on this reminds me we all have a inner critic and it can be a selfish inducing one at that. So, sometimes the best way to combat that is to STEP OUTSIDE OURSELVES!

Compliment others in a genuine way beyond appearance. And get over the Women Competitive Thing our culture promotes so often. “Oh, She will get a Big Head Bullshit.”

I’ve seriously come to believe in the last few years when we’re jealous of another woman it is actually Our Deal. Our lack of Worth holding us back and comparing ourselves in a scarcity mentality. Not a abundant way.

“Oh she is so confident and has her shit together. I don’t like her.” but really usually means in our heads… “Oh I wish I was that confidant and had my own shit together. I don’t like me.”

But, you can. I can. We just need to slow our Negative talk roll down and become Aware!

As Ashley said in Day 7: NEVER SUPPRESS A GENEROUS THOUGHT. Towards others or ourselves.

I’ve been working hard at this. Being more mindful of the thoughts I create around negativity and reframing them with Love.. It’s becoming a little easier day by day:) Progress not Perfection.

This is a short post, but Tomorrow in Day 8, She speaks of finding lasting confidence and some cool thought work to continue this Topic. See you here tomorrow.

Cynthia

BBL/DAY 6: “GETTING YOUR BODY BACK.”

Well, Hello! Let’s just say Day 6 of BBL has been the biggest ah-ha moment I’ve had so far on this challenge.

I’ve always considered myself over the years a Advocate for Pro-Aging vs. Anti-aging especially having a career in the Beauty Industry. I’ve often got in trouble for Openly choosing Not to use that terminology.

I now thankfully work for a company that embraces aging and everyone’s uniqueness. But, I still see/hear the damage it has already been done to our culture in trying to Fight the clock.

This negative self-talk and unrealistic beauty standards is actually epidemic in my opinion. Just spend some time on certain IG feeds to see it for yourself if you haven’t already.

But, individuals like @AshleyRoseReeves are trying to change it and I want to as well. I don’t want to see future generations go through what I went through and many of my friends that have wasted so much valuable time focusing on Appearance Based Worth.

Just because we don’t look like we did in High School or a “Magical time” when our weight was ideal according to social standards.

It Doesn’t Make us less Valuable in Life.

“GETTING YOUR BODY BACK”

We all have that magical time where we were at our Ideal Weight. Mine was 15.

This is me above before the Epic 9th Grade Dance. Wearing not the usual 1990’s Prom dress 😂 and Permed Hair. But, a black turtleneck dress and Red Lipstick. Ha, Not much has changed in the clothing and accessory dept. to this day:)

But, after this picture was printed out, it always lived on my Mother’s nightstand. At first it was awesome, but in my 20’s when I gained my weight back. It was a reminder of, “Look she was skinny once.”

Yes, that time in my life was awesome and I was happy, but it also came at a crazy cost when I look back now.

Now Bursting that Mythical Timeline.

I had lost all that weight (65lbs) by eating 600-700 calories a day for 3-4 months. Counting calories like nobodies business. I still remember that diet, Tofu shake for Breakfast. 1 Plain Pita Bread, carrots and a Apple for Lunch. Tuna with Fat-free mayo and saltine crackers for a snack and a Grilled Chicken Sandwich from Burger King for Supper that my mom would pick up for me. Day in and day out and I worked out 3 HOURS a day. PS I still can’t eat wheat pita bread to this day.

It was hardly sustainable, but I was motivated by the compliments and attention I got from my parents. Who at that time were struggling with a failing marriage and upcoming divorce.

It was my way of controlling the world around me that was uncontrollable. Honestly all of my “weight loss successes” over the years mirrored that same model. When my own marriage was falling apart, when my Mother died. Etc. It would be a cycle of Loss, maintenance of exercise in between binges. This has been a hard pill to swallow and now relinquish the myth to my then reality.

But, FREEING! Freeing to know that there is so much more to ME than this and now having the time to focus on True Wellness. Finding room for much more in this Life than constant and controlled appearance based livelihood. This why through this journey I have kept on saying the work is only beginning. It’s not a quick fix and I’m so grateful for the first time to really realize that.

This week I also have decided to see my Therapist again. To share this journey with her. I realize my story needs some professional help going forward. And Thank you for coming along with me too.

Cynthia

See you here tomorrow ♥️.

BBL/DAY 5: WELLNESS LIFESTYLE.

Well, Hello. It’s Day 5 of the Better Body Love Challenge and we’re at the Half-way Mark:) Whoot. Whoot. How are you feeling today? I know I’m excited to Jump into Wellness.

But, first I’m so excited about the progress I’ve made in peeling back the layers these past 5 days. It’s revealed so much. It was a emotional, digging deep kind of excavator ride for sure and I’m beyond grateful that I’ve done it. It’s been so transforming in such a short time. Now allowing me to create a Wellness Lifestyle plan that I’ve been craving for that encompasses not only my Physical body, but my Mental Health.

I would highly recommend to head over to @AshleyRoseReeves IG Stories Highlight Reel now to watch if you haven’t yet to Unpack the topic of Wellness and maybe create your own plan.

Yesterday with my Boyfriend we social distanced our way to a local State Park and went Hiking. It was just amazing out and like many of you. I needed this outing so so much. My mental health, namely anxiety has been through the roof lately. Honestly pretty paralyzing like it had been in my early 20’s.

As we descended the bluff’s trail down to the beach and river. I had second thoughts… holy crap I’m gonna have to climb back up:) But, I did it anyway. Why ruin a good moment with fear:)

Once down at the Rivers Edge resting. Breathing in the air and soaking up that glorious sun. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to listen to the little waves and rustling of trees with there new leaves. It was magical and then I thought about my Wellness Plan from a place of Peace:)

WELLNESS PLAN

Ashley’s BBL Wellness plan is Overall. Physical (Sleep, Movement, Food & Water), Mental (Mindful Practices) and Spirit (Meditation and or Prayer). It should come always from a place of LOVE not Shame, or Guilt, Punishment and Appearance Based.

PHYSICAL

Sleep:

Sleep for me is a big thing for my physical and mental health. It has been since I was a Kid and Currently it’s actually at a awesome place right now.

8 hours and early rising. Just like I love it. But, I’m fully aware once I go back to my old schedule of Retail. I will really need to keep it as a focus. Advocate for more Work/Life Balance.

Movement:

I actually love exercise and it’s overall benefits. Over the years before BBL challenge I’ve learned a healthy balance of finding what you love vs. just doing it for weight loss results.

I love Walking never Running unless someone is chasing me:) I also adore Swimming and Biking.

Now especially after my Open Heart surgery I realize what a privilege it is too enjoy it again. Currently walking is my jam and focusing on integrating it regularly into my daily routine again.

Food & Water:

Like Ashley mentions in her own creating of a Wellness Plan, Food is a Personal Choice customized to your own needs. She doesn’t usually share it with others. This was a big sigh of relief ah-ha moment for me. I completely agree! What Food Choices Work for You, might not Work for me.

I have Type-2 Diabetes and Losing Weight is something that I discuss with my Dr. and Nutritionist. It is a part of my Wellness Plan. I have learned it has nothing to do with appearance, but about creating the healthiest body I can.

I have my BBL journal ready with a Wellness Plan I will be sharing with them and any modifications I need to make with Medications and Lifestyle at my next appointments.

Now for H2O. I love water. I feel good and pee a lot when I drink it;) I’m finding my water drinking rhythm again while at home. Loving that and will definitely be making it a priority when back at work.

MENTAL

Mental Health is Huge for me. In the past few years since my surgery. I’ve had to overcome some new hurdles and learned that my Mental Health is the key to everything else falling into a better place. We as a Culture our also getting better at this especially when comes to Body Acceptance. We still have a ways to go with Diet Culture, but it starts with us making Mental Health the Catalyst towards lasting change.

My Wellness Plan is pretty cemented in mindful practices. Writing, Reading, and creating a overall safe place in my head for acceptance and growth. But, also the BBL METHOD has really made me realize this amazing work is only beginning:)

SPIRIT

After Leaving my Spiritual “Hometown” of Catholicism nearly 2 years ago, I felt a freeing of Guilt on sa many levels that has spilled over into my Journey of Better Body Love. I still practice a Christ-Centered Faith and truly believe our time here on this Earth has a infinite purpose and bodies are a big part of that.

My Wellness plan does consist of Prayer, Meditation and Visualization.

Prayer to be open to divine guidance on making the best decision for my overall health.

Meditation to slow my mental roll down.

Visualization to reframe toxic thoughts and replace them with Best Version Scenarios.

I hope this overview of my Current Wellness Plan Helps you create your own. I look forward to it evolving and changing with my Needs and Joy. I do want to quickly say that Your Wellness is Your Journey! and if it involves things that promote Love then there is no wrong answer ♥️.

See you back here tomorrow for Day 6 😊.

Cynthia

PS: I did actually enjoy my walk back up the Bluff and all the breaks I took:)

BBL/DAY 4: SELF-CARE.

#selfcaresunday on a Monday. A Day late and dollar short that about sums up what I sort of thought what Self-Care was- Just a hashtag for “bubble bath” kind of indulgences that were just afterthoughts to REAL care. Not that Bubble baths and indulging at times is a bad thing either.

But, I’m actually learning that Self-Care is way much MORE in Day 4 of Better Body Love.

But, first before we get started. Let’s do a little check-in? How are you feeling right now that we’ve hit DAY 4?

I know going through my BBL Journal and creating these posts with a lot of feelings attached. It’s really allowed the content to sink in deeper and change in my daily thoughts even more. I’m definitely blown away at how my Peace with my body is truly Transforming. But, also realizing more and more the work is just beginning.

Let me just say again, Ashley is awesome. I love today’s Highlight real on Self-Care! And how it has become so Diluted by Advertisers , Businesses and Social Media in the guise to us Their idea of a Lifestyle or Product.

Totally Good Food for Thought on the the next time we scroll IG.

Real Self-Care is more like popping the bubble of Uncomfortable, so you can begin do the Difficult work of Healing like for me making those DR.’s appt. I’ve been putting off.

So, Eventually those “Bubble Baths” will be more enjoyable once the foundational work of Worth, Gratitude and Acceptance are done 😊.

My BBL original Self-Care Notes.

TODAY’S TO-DO:

Creating a list of What Self-Care used to Look like vs What Self-Care looks like now?

And also Ashley’s suggests like any challenge we are doing for BBL right now that we are making sure it’s always coming from a place of LOVE ♥️. Yes!

WHAT SELF-CARE USED TO LOOK LIKE?

A Nice Meal and Drinks. A new Book. Time to Write and take photos. Cleaning my Apt. Walk. Pedicure.

WHAT SELF-CARE LOOKS LIKE NOW?

Making Dr. Appt’s. Drinking Water. Organizing. Walking. Being consistent with Med Taking Daily. Meal Planning. Writing. Books 😊.

Wow. I was so surprised how actually I already approach Self-Care in mindful manner. *Plus, I hate Bubble Baths, I’m a Shower kind of girl anyway:)

And See you back here for tomorrow’s BBL Day 5.

Love, Cynthia.

BBL/DAY 3: ACCEPTANCE.

Hey! We’re back for Day 3: @ashleyroserevves IG Better Body Love Challenge and Talking about ACCEPTANCE. But, First how are you feeling? Have you begun to do the work with me? If not that’s quite alright that your along for the ride:)

I know I’m feeling a mix of emotions as I share this here and on Social Media (IG) But, with all that is going on in the world and outside our windows.

I’m doing this to feel better and opening up parts of myself that have been dormant for too long. All of The Pandemic has made me so aware of how precious life is and how going forward I truly want to live it in a brighter-healthier way. This is NOT my time to sit on the sidelines, but do what I can to make changes that this unprecedented time allows.

ACCEPTANCE

Today Ashley shares in her IG highlight reel the next step in the BBL Triangle- ACCEPTANCE. Before True Change occurs we must Accept our Bodies right now. As she said, “Acceptance First, so we truly Love (Body).”

She begins with sharing her Favorite 3 Mantras for Acceptance and thought work that goes along with it.

My Momma and I. Fall of 2011. St. Paul, Minn.

CHOOSE EXPERIENCES OVER APPEARANCE.

I have spent majority of my life ashamed of my appearance in some form or another. I’ve Missed out on being truly present with my Loved ones so many times I can’t begin to count.

But, the One that hurts the most is my precious time with my Mother.

In October of 2012 she passed away from cancer and daily I have lived with the regret that I allowed my appearance to dictate how I often interacted with her.

Our relationship for many years was complicated by our own individual Relationships with Body image. Guilt, Blame, Shame etc. But, the last year of her life we healed it all. I’m so grateful for that legacy I still carry.

But, I can’t help wonder at times how things could been so different.

When after she died I would look at this joyful picture and not see joy, but sadness and regret for not taking more photos and not hiding the parts of my Body I hated. How foolish. But, I beginning to understand the insanity of body hate and that I’m still HERE to change it.

My sweet Momma would want more than anything for me now to Start Choosing experience over appearance. And I do too ♥️.

DON’T SIT ON THE SIDELINES OF LIFE.

I’ve missed out so many Things because of my worry about my appearance and disappointing others or being judged. Honestly this mantra has given me permission to dig deep and realize how effing ridiculous I’ve been. People don’t care and if they do who gives a shit. I know easier said than done.

But, I’m challenging myself to reframe my thoughts on this. I’m not gonna miss out on family gatherings, meet-up with friends and special events anymore because my thoughts have decided that I’m unworthy of these experiences due to my weight. Weight Does Not Equal Value in Showing Up.

I BELIEVE I HAVE THE EXACT BODY TO ACCOMPLISH MY PURPOSE ON EARTH.

”I believe if you are supposed to do it- your body will carry you through it.” Ashley Rose Reeves

The biggest message I have gotten from Day 3 is that I have more than my body to offer the world and that this unfolding story of growth has a bigger purpose and look forward to keep uncovering it each day of this challenge.

Thank you so much for coming along with me today. See you back here tomorrow for Day 4.

Love, Cynthia

BBL/DAY 2: GRATITUDE.

Hello, Hello! Thanks for swinging back after my notes and thought work yesterday on Day 1 of @AshleyRoseReeves Better Body Love 10-Day Challenge. I know it was a pretty long and intense ♥️ one.

But, I’m learning with so many of you that we have to first go back, wake back and dig deep for lasting change to find true and lasting Body Love instead of going after all those quick fixes that we are served up daily in the toxic diet culture.

Today on Day 2 We’re hanging out with Gratitude and also this where Ashley introduces us to her custom framework and foundation finding Better Body Love.

Yesterday’s Infinite Worth is the base of her Triangle mode and if you haven’t watched DAY TWO in her BBL IG STORY HIGHLIGHTS this be perfect time to swing over and you’ll you know what I’m talking about in my To-Do thought work 😊.

GRATITUDE BODY SCAN

I’ve done my share of gratitude practices over the years beginning with Oprah’s Gratitude Journal ah la 1990’s. Sidenote: I really realize how much Oprah has impacted my life over the years 😂😘.

And it’s still a practice all over the place and for a reason.

Gratitude works! to helps step out of our daily worry and grind for a few moments to focus on the good, simple things we often take for granted.

But, after all the years of practicing some form of gratitude daily. I never thought to focus solely on my Body.

This Gratitude Scan that Ashley shares today though simple- It’s pretty powerful. I’ve been using it the last 10 nights before I going to bed and have noticed some awesome shifts in how I think of my body. And how in-depth my body gratitude has become. I’ve heard left my negative comparisons, but each day they become smaller and Smaller.

Here is my one I wrote down in my BBL Journal:

I’m so Grateful:

For the Hair on top of my head.
My Brain that creates.
My Eyes that see Spring unfolding.
My Nose that smells the fresh air now.
My Lips that speak and smiles.
My Neck that holds my head.
My Heart that beats life.
My Lungs the inhale and exhale.
My Arms to embrace.
My Hands that hold.
My Fingers that touch and write.
My Stomach that helps nourish me.
My Back that stands up.
My Legs that get me where I need and want to go.
My Knees that bend.
My Ankles that twist and turn..
My Feet that takes steps and holds me firmly in place.

I hope you might give it a try.

22.5 years old. 1997. Talladega, Alabama.

GRATITUDE PERSPECTIVE PRACTICE 1.

This Two Part To-Do was Heart opening and so healing to say the least. The first part was Taking the age you are now (I’m 45) and halfing it. Asking:

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HER?

That would make me 22.5 years old. And that Cindy was not a happy camper. I often call that time in my life the Dark Ages. I was miserable and despite the smile on my face in the picture above. I was really at a low point. Actually this the only picture I really have from that time.

I had taken it to send to my Mom back home in Minnesota with Dad’s Polaroid Camera down in Alabama where I was living too. Ha on a lighter note a selfie before selfies were a thing;)

I had moved in with my Dad because I was having a horrible time with Depression and Anxiety. Paralyzing Anxiety to be exact. My emotional/binge eating was also at a all-time high. I felt so alone and abandoned by my friends who didn’t understand what I was going through as they were enjoying there early 20’s.

I felt like a burden and the “best” I could was self-isolate. My Dad was so amazing during this time. Helping me the best he could and knew.

So, writing this Letter to Myself back then has lifted a lot of that shame and hurt. Allowing me to realize how far I have come.

The letter I wrote is actually too long to post here and to be honest I prefer to keep it myself now. It definitely was a love letter honoring my pain, fear and struggle. Letting myself know I did my best with what I was going through. And I have her Back Now.

GRATITUDE PERSPECTIVE PRACTICE 2.

The Second Part was a bigger challenge. I have some major issues with seeing myself beyond a 10 year timeline I was given by my Surgeon after my Open Heart Surgery.

When I received my replacement pig valve, I was told I would have to replace it in ten years which weirdly translated to I have only that time left. I know it’s absurd to be that doomsday, but our fear thoughts can misguide us.

So, doubling my age to 90 seemed crazy! But, I did it anyhow and asked the question:

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOU NOW?

Holy Buckets you made it. 90! And you still wear red lipstick ♥️. Remember after your surgery how you only had 10 years on that piggy valve and how it terrified you. But, it lasted longer than expected. You beat the odds and you are still here sweet girl.

My advice to you now… is love that body that helps you discover this beautiful life and honor the lessons/joys your Momma taught you.

When she died at 63 she would of given anything to be healthy. So, take of yourself sweetheart. Stop the comparison game. Find that sweet spot of balance and inherent value. You’ve got life.

And at 45 it’s only the beginning. You have so much to do and experience. But, most of Love to give and Receive. Use that creativity and unique perspective.

I love you!

Thanks for letting me share and I hope this serves you in some way to uncover your own Body Love Gratitude.

I will see you here tomorrow for BBL’s Day 3. Acceptance.

Love, Cynthia

BBL/DAY1: INFINITE WORTH.

Hello! Hello! So, Glad that your here with me for Today’s Day 1 of @AshleyRoseReeves IG version of Better Body Love Challenge . Before we get started I would Love for you to swing over to Ashley’s IG and find her Instagram Story Highlight on BBL Day 1. Grab your Journal and take some note if you want:

Ok your Back, What did you think? I know I’ve watched each day a couple of times to unpack all the information she is sharing in this Free version of Better Body Love during the Covid-19 Pandemic. In response to all the Memes out there focusing on weight gain and appearance changes in a funny albeit negative light.

Today’s Questions start with going back to the beginning to uncover the stories that created our lack of Body Love:

8 years old. Christmas 1982. Tallahassee, Florida. *Yes that is a Western Ken Doll:)

1.WRITE OUT YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE OF THINKING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOUR BODY?

I was in 2nd Grade (8) when my Mother took me to a Dietician for the first time. I remember it felt like He was speaking a foreign tongue to me about eating better and showing me this strange silver contraption that opened and closed with ease (a food steamer). I was confused and weirded out by this Older Gentleman telling me, I needed to steam vegetables to lose weight.

I actually had no idea I was overweight. I pulled out a picture the other day of me at that age. Christmas time! I was a Happy Kid! Who wouldn’t be happy with getting a Western Ken Doll 🤣. I also had a unaware natural sense of Infinite worth and so did that Ken doll too. Oh, if I would kept it in its packaging 😜.

But, Seriously makes me sad for little Cindy. Yes, she had a baby roll under her much loved Miami Dolphins Dan Marino Shirt. But, she was healthy and active. I know my Mother struggled with her own weight and was terrified that I would be chubby like her as a kid. It was a preventative measure in a time when being Trim was “Mandatory” and Big Money Maker for Women’s Self-Worth. You gotta Love the 80’s Diet Culture for that skewed perceptions and wasted $$$.

But, that Dietician Visit changed me for indefinitely from a Happy to Confused and Sad little girl.

My 9th Birthday. 1983. Tallahassee, Florida.

2.WRITE OUT ANY OTHER EXPERIENCES THAT STAND OUT AND STILL HURT?

I have so many experiences like many of us do. Enough to fill a Book. But, there is One that really stands out as my first “Reminder” that I was indeed gaining weight and others were noticing.

I was 9. We had just moved again to a new neighborhood and had also a new local gas station we would stop at weekly after Sunday Mass.

It was our Little family routine. My Mom would always stay in the Buick LaSabre:) while my Dad and I would venture into the convience store after pumping gas for our Sunday “Treats”.

My Dad would get his 6 pack of Beer and I some Candy. As he went to the cooler in the back the store, I would stay up front choosing my Candy by the cash register.

The Old Guy (everyone over 30 was old to me😂 then) behind the counter noticed me looking and said while smiling and making a quick Fat Gesture, “Why would cute little girl like you need more Candy?“

I smiled because I remember I didn’t know what to do in that uncomfortable situation with a stranger. I shamefully still picked out my then favorite, Banana flavored Now and Later Candy (I never ate them again).

Finally my Dad returned and we left without me saying a word. I actually never told neither of parents about it. I just internalized it all.

Yes, at that time I was gaining weight. I would put on a good smile, but inside I was so sad. We had moved from a place I loved and missed my daily life of being able to roam free with my favorite people.

I was also struggling with learning at school and not fitting in because of my weight.

My parents were struggling as well. My Dad’s drinking and depression. My Mom herself had gained weight and struggled with emotional eating again after another diet failed.

We were all a mess, but still trying to put our best foot forward to the outside world.

INFINITE WORTH

In Day 1 Ashley speaks also of beginning to uncover our Infinite Worth again with a exercise of separating Worth from Appearance. I had actually never thought about this really much and how I had mushed them together since Childhood.

I’ve always thought as superficial as this sounds that if I was at my ideal weight…

I would be more impactful and liked more. I wouldn’t be so invisible to others and more desirable even. That my voice would matter more if I was skinny.

But, once I thought about my worth in this new way, I realized how far off I was and I am much more then my appearance. I have so much to offer beyond a svelte body. Yes, I said svelte😜.

As she mentioned our appearance will fade and change. I would rather be known for my joy, creativity and helping others.

Then having a Hot Bod and being well- dressed. Though I do need some new clothes.

ASHLEY’S CATALYST STORY

I don’t want to share it here and would rather have you hear for yourself. But, it’s a Better Body Love Changer.

How can we hate our Bodies so much when others would give anything for one that works.

I was reminded so deeply of my own Catalyst Story as she shared hers and how I often dumb it down or take it for granted.

OPEN HEART

April 24th, 2017. I woke up from Open Heart Surgery with a new Mitral Valve (a pig one if your curious) caused by a childhood illness that I was unaware of damaged my heart.

I spent years so sick without knowing the real cause and also spending so much time and energy berating myself. Thinking my weight among other things was to blame for my constant shortness of breath and tiredness.

So, the day I woke up in ICU being able to breath and having that second chance I wasn’t sure I was gonna get. It was a beautiful moment to say the least.

I also made a promise that day to live the best life I could. But, I realize now I had not honored that promise wholeheartedly with the Hate I have carried around for my body that has in fact has served me so well.

This is why the Better Body Love 10-Day Challenge means so much to me. It’s definitely has been a missing piece that ICU Promise.

Now it’s your turn. Would love to hear your thoughts on my Day1 Notes and Thought Work. *And if your wondering 😜 No, I still don’t have that Western Ken Doll, but I do have the Dan Marino shirt somewhere:)

OK See you Back here tomorrow for Better Body Love, Day 2: Gratitude.

Love, C.

BETTER BODY LOVE/10-DAY CHALLENGE.

I will be completely honest I feel a little self-absorbed sharing all this Better Body Love for the next 10 days here with all that is going on in our world. But, heck time is on my hands like most of us with our Covid-19 Stay at Home orders in place and actually I feel more strongly than ever that we, who struggle with Body Image need a beautiful boost reminder of Body Positivity right now.

And I found it in @AshleyRoseReeves Free Better Body Love 10-Day Challenge on Instagram. Today’s post is a introduction to it all in hopes that you will join along with me and also a way of letting it Better soak in as I write and share each day.

@AshleyRoseReeves

So, if your not familiar with Ashley Reeves and her Groundbreaking tried and true Better Body Love Method, here’s a mini breakdown.

Ashley is a Body Positivity Advocate, Mother, Entrepreneur, Speaker and Creator of the Self-Guided Audio Better Body Love Program. And she knows what she talking about! This isn’t a Diet or a Meal Plan.

It’s a Honest Method to findIng Love and Care for your Body from the Inside Out.

I initially came across Ashley via her friend Alison Faulkner of The Alison Show. I just loved Ashley’s on-line honesty and energy. Always enjoying her IG posts about Body Acceptance and her super candid sharing of her own struggles with it over the years.

So, when I wrote THIS post in my blog drafts April 10th… I definitely opened a unattended observational can of worms with what I kind of eater that I am. Then even further cemented those worms the following day being a-ha’d (not the band;) by this IG live of Untamed Author Glennon Doyle’s Honesty about truth-love-body. I took pen to paper creating a POST with these questions, Do I Love My Body? Do I Trust My Body?

The answers startled me, for the first time in my life I realized how much I do Love & Trust My Body and how I’ve also spent nearly a lifetime punishing it with awful ingratitude and horrible self-talk.

After answering I honestly sat at my writing kitchen table for it least a hour with all of this… I consider myself a pretty intelligent person and well versed in all Self-Help😂. But how in the heck had this not clicked before, I had made connections (remember Oprah’s Book with Bob Greene in the 90’s?!?) about my emotional eating. But, never how much time I had spent being so Body Hating.

I knew that I needed to keep delving into this and somehow finally rectify this and find a better way. I even prayed about it.

Then the next day this showed up on my Feed:

An invitation that gave me goose bumps and that I couldn’t miss!

So, Monday, April 13th I showed up with many other amazing woman. Taking Notes, Doing the Work and even making this logo for these posts. I do hope Ashley doesn’t mind?!?! 😊.

Have I lost weight? I don’t know and for the first time it’s not all about that. But, my ♥️ is filling with more love and gratitude for this precious body of mine again.

I’m finally not berating myself as much for it’s flaws. I’m walking more purposefully and looking in the mirror with less criticism and more kindness. It’s a darn miracle if you ask me:)

So, tomorrow “self-absorbed” and all 😜. I’m sharing my Day 1’s Notes and thought work from Ashley’s Better Body Love. I truly hope you join along and share it with others as well ♥️. And maybe grab a notebook or journal too.

See you tomorrow!

Love, C.

WHAT KIND OF EATER ARE YOU?

Grace Kelly. Round Hill, Jamaica. 1955. Howell Conant.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this… more than I probably should during this Covid-19 lockdown. But, as a nearly lifelong emotional eater. Obsessing over food is a pretty common occurrence.

So, instead of obsessing I’ve decided to do a observational check-in approach to see how I’m eating right now.

One thing I’ve learned over the years when it comes to Emotional Eating is reflection helps. Just for the awareness sake for sure.

So, here is the Questions I often ask myself:

Grace Kelly. Round Hill, Jamaica. 1955. Howell Conant.

What kind of eater are you?

Happy?

Currently am enjoying that I’m Meal Planning more and Home cooking is a part of my daily routine. I would like to see this habit stick around as in my new normal when lockdown is over.

Healthy?

Yes, more then the old usual of eating whenever I have a chance with my hectic schedule in the last 6 months. I’m consciously am buying fruit that I like and attempting to add a vegetable to most meals. I’m just not adventuresome eater. But, this is definitely something that I can improve more on and I’d really like to figure out when a Avocado is ripe and ready:)

Emotional?

Yes, Yes, Yes. This is where my honesty is the best policy comes in. I’ve been emotionally eater most of my life and like many of us our right now or that boredom factor too. I feel like I’m living to eat instead of eating to live.

I have a lot of guilt about this and see it has reappeared again long before the lockdown. This is where doing this check-in helps me to be more aware of how food can be great comfort for me. Is it Ok right now? For sure. Is the the healthy choice? Probably not. But, I’m trying to be gentle with myself in these answers.

Intuitive?

I just added this new question because I know a lot of people practice this. I’m still on the fence about it and need to do more research on this eating topic. If you know some good resources definitely share them in the comments below.

Morning or Night-time?

I’ve never been a morning eater. It just doesn’t sit well. Over the years I’ve done protein shakes. But, the last 8 months with a new relationship and new routines. I’ve gotten less regimented with my daily shakes. I’m getting better now with the lockdown again and my body seems to like it.

Night-time is a huge trouble spot for me lately with the re-entry of TV into my life over the winter. TV+Time = Binge eating. Sugary snacks, Nachos for supper as of late. Especially when I’m at home by myself. As much as I love this little luxury again. It has brought back some old habits that don’t serve my body well.

Feast or Famine?

Feasting definitely. It’s a free for all right now. Allowing myself to participate despite the mental backlash.

fast or Slow?

Fast always. Thanks Dad for teaching me that😂.

Observations:

Well, that wasn’t so bad. A mental reset in some ways, to not admonish myself. But, to realize I’m doing the best I can right now in a time that is so uncertain. Old habits of coping will show up and a awareness gives me a little hope to know that this is not a permanent state of existence.

Things will change and so will my coping as we all unravel this time in our lives later on. But, for now I’m ok sitting in this space and allowing myself to observe. Maybe, some answers will show up.

Love, C.