A Revival Story.
Definition of Revival re·viv·al | \ ri-ˈvī-vəl \
1: an act or instance of reviving : the state of being revived: such as a: renewed attention to or interest in something b: a new presentation or publication of something old c(1): a period of renewed religious interest (2): an often highly emotional evangelistic meeting or series of meetings 2: restoration of force, validity, or effect (as to a contract)
The word Revival use to only live in my imagination as a big ol’ tattered White tent in some open field maybe near a small southern town. Where a sweaty Preacher Man in a white dress shirt with a cheap clip-on tie is screaming God’s Fervor and Good News verses on a makeshift stage. Of course he’s waving a Bible above a dozen or so reluctant hand waving folks sitting in old folding chairs that keep sinking into the earth below them.
So, when I saw on my IG feed that Blessed Is She was doing a FLY REVIVAL in my own neck of the woods this last June. My curiosity sparked. I bet it would be whole lot different and maybe more like the subdued Webster Dictionary definition above.
How couldn’t it be? It would be lead by Women. Where there would be no Tent, but a beautiful Parish church outside of St. Paul, MN instead. Not a Preacher Man waving a Bible (Not that it is Bad:), but Priests offering Confession and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in between a evening of Prayer, Praise and Worship. And Pews instead of Folding Chairs. But, the only thing that might be the same is that I would be one of the reluctant ones waving my hands in the air.
But, I had to go to my first Revival. I needed Community again and I felt called by the promptings of the Holy Spirit in prayer that this might be where it could happen. The Holy Spirit was relentless actually that I go.
Especially after my recent Reconversion at my dear Aunt Sandy’s Funeral Mass. Where I had been away for over 4 years from the Church. I know it might not seem like a long time, but it was for me. I never thought I would abandon my Faith ever. never. But, I did.
But after coming back from the Funeral enveloped in the Holy Spirit. I was still Fumbling. I found great Comfort again in the Blessed Is She Movement. I never stopped following their IG acct., I just muted it while I was gone. It was the first Virtual place I went for help to make sense of my renewed Faith.
Look at the Birds Day.
Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?
Saturday came. I drove from Downtown Minneapolis to a suburb outside of St. Paul praying the whole way- Jesus please keep me open to your call. Help Heal the wounds I carry and make sense of the sadness and loneliness I bear now.
Then in that moment as I prayed, thought of my Mother in her Hospital bed a year before she died. Receiving such comfort from the sweet memory of me as a Toddler sitting for hours at our screen door overcome with delight looking at the Birds outside. Pointing and “chirping” with them.
Now 40 something years later I didn’t know yet that the Heavenly Father would use that Memory to reignite his Love for me.
When I arrived at the Church parking lot it was nearly empty. I was way early. But, I gathered my nervous self up in the Volvo and just finally got the courage to walk into the church and Gathering space. I was greeted by kind Church Volunteers and given my black canvas swag bag filled with a journal and 20 oz. Fly Cup. I nervously bee lined to the Merchandise Table that was actually being refreshed from night’s before Revival.
Then the Good Conversations began.The Woman working the Table was my age and she instantly put me at ease. I was afraid that everyone attending would be only Young Woman, Mothers with tons of Children. None of it is bad, but would I fit in? I never felt like I fit into any of the Catholic Woman Vocation narrative. Not that I’m a harlot or anything ;) But, as a divorced childless woman with a current Boyfriend that never went to church since he was a teenager. I wasn’t the ideal Catholic Woman.
The next person I met was early too. She was a 30-something Mom that had travelled alone from Wisconsin to attend both nights with Friends in the area. She was definitely on fire with the Holy Spirit from the Night Prior. Let’s call her Paige.
Paige was so welcoming and instantly put me at ease. Instantly threw out my feeling of not belonging. Telling me how impressed she was with me for coming alone and following the prompts of the Holy Spirit after I told her recently I had come back to the Catholic Faith.
Eventually her friends showed up and the Gathering Space was filling with Woman including Blessed is She Ladies I had only seen online like Nell O’Leary with her Baby. I so badly wanted to say Hi and Thank her for her beautiful, honest posts, but I felt awkward. So, I just headed into the Church alone.
Once I sat down. This warmth enveloped me and it was as if I heard Jesus, “Welcome Home my Beloved Girl. Thank you for coming to spend time with me. I have missed you so much. I love you.”
The Church was still pretty empty just Loners like me. All ages and walks of life. I felt the Sisterhood. Praying for each one of them as I sat there until the other Sisters came in.
My new Friend Paige and her friend came to sit with me eventually. I said Thank you and she just smiled and rubbed my arm gently like a sister would do. Then a few minutes later her other friend came and sat on the other side of me. I wasn’t alone anymore.
The worship music leader began and it was like light through the air. Then Beth Davis’s Talk came and she encouraged us to go the Confession that was being offered thorough out the evening. I actually was the first to jump up. I walked into the Confession Room on a mission and first asked the Priest if we could be face to face instead of behind the screen. He welcomed it. Oh, he was so kind and patient. It been quite awhile for me. I poured out my heart for abandoning my faith and the anger that had boiled from me. I didn’t even know until that moment how much it had effected me.
Forgiveness washed over me and I began to sob. As I collected myself before leaving, I asked him if I could Steal a tissue from him. We both laughed at that and Joy broke into my heart for the first time in a long time. And who steals from a confessional?!? Apparently me with only permission:)
When I went back to my seat… the night was full of so many more little Miracles. Beth’s Talk was beautiful and so many of her words felt catered just for me. Gotta love the Holy Spirit for that.
I Finally was Brave enough to Bring my Loneliness to Our Father and the deep pain of recently losing my earthly Father and losing my Mother 9 years ago. The anger and feeling of abandonment finally bursted into Love as we began Adoration.
I had been revived. I know that sounds silly, but I was so cracked open. Where Jesus’s Love finally was welcome to see my broken pieces again. By the Time the Monstrance with Jesus came to me, Gratitude at poured from my Heart. It was as if I was that Toddler again with Delight for the birds and remembering how far more Precious I am to Him.
And Yes there was hand waving and I was included:) When the night ended and I said Good-Bye to dear Paige and her friends. I glanced over at the Tabernacle and praised him with such thanksgiving for helping me remember how loved I am and then I promised I would visit soon again.
As I drove home, my heart was still on fire. Realizing that I had not left Jesus at the Church. He was still with me. I was never away from Him. He never ceased residing in my Heart, I was the one that closed myself off. And those years were a necessary lesson to bring me to this Moment of Healing and understanding of his Love in a New Way.
Now 10 months after the Fly Revival, I see the series of gifts that still bring me closer to God daily. I’m so grateful for the Blessed Is She Community and the Sisterhood we have online. A reminder that all Social media isn’t so bad:)
Thank you for reading my first Faith Story of 2022. I hope it helps in some way, so if you feel alone or don’t feel like you fit in. Jesus always has a place for you and finds you.
Much Blessings and Love, Cynthia 🫀